More Than 1....

(My Extended Idaho Family)

My goal with breaking the stigma's around Alzheimer's began when I realized the grief process before my grandma Bev passed away in my arms and the grief that began after she passed away affected me deeply and greatly.  It was pain that was deep in my soul. I had a hard time telling people about the loss of her, and bringing her up would bring me to tears. To add that she Alzheimer's only upset me more. I wrote an article earlier about stigma's. And I do feel my grandma Bev had her own stigma's about the disease. That is why she never "told me" she was sick. I had to get a judge ordered mental assessment on her along with a filed emergency motion of guardianship in order to make sure she was getting the best care she could receive. While I was more than "strong" during the process, it was after she actually passed that I felt really empty, ashamed and angry about the disease and watching her suffer for the last 10 years of her life.  I felt that if I talked about her and the disease I would be judged. As mentioned in my early article, if my grandma did come up in a conversation and I mentioned what happened friends, family and strangers were compassionate.

I began thinking of her and her side of the family and I knew that my great great aunt Nomi is sick and my grandma's cousin Mike is sick. They both have Alzheimer's.  However I failed to remember this daily because my thoughts consuming me of my grandma. These two other family members my grandma loved greatly and adored. I began to think of what Mike's wife is going through as well as my great cousin Diana... I saw Barb's updated post on Facebook and this one over the weekend that brought me to tears on my run

(My cousins Barb & Mike Johnson in Idaho)

(My great cousin Mike with my son in 2011)

"Thursday was undoubtedly the hardest day of my life! Mike was transported to a psychiatric hospital in Twin Falls, ID for evaluation of his Alzheimer's. He has been rapidly declining over the last couple months to the point I just couldn't take care of him (and myself) any longer. I have been dealing/treated for diabetic foot ulcers for ~ 4 months. He will be there for ~ 20 days of possibly longer. We will need to find a place for him when the evaluation is completed. Hopefully, we can find a place closer than southern Idaho. Please keep Mike in your thoughts & prayers! So hard to let go after 39 years! I now have to try to cope with the "guilt" I feel for having to do this. However, I keep trying to tell myself it will be better for him as well as me so I can hopefully concentrate on healing my foot. Since our Dad passed from complications due to diabetic foot ulcers, I am aware of the seriousness of it. Thank all of you for your support! Alzheimer's is a disease I would not wish anyone had to suffer with - the one suffering or the Caregiver. I will keep you posted on the outcome."

At the end of June my great cousin Diana informed me that my great great aunt Nomi was also doing really bad.  I hurt for both of Barb and Diana.  I do understand many of the emotions they are going through first hand. At the end of the day I just wanted to hug them both and take the pain away. I guess we are bonded deeper than just family as we have all experienced making a decision for a dear loved one with Alzheimer's along with having guilt or a stigma around it. So as you see in my family we have more than 1 family member that has Alzheimer's and that is simply to many.  I only hope we can begin to talk about it more. However painful it may be. The power of sharing our feelings and raising money for a cure are both very powerful.